No hablo Spanish

Hello!


Yes! Every Saturday must be one of those special Saturdays, the type of Saturday to you thank God for not having an accent in English and being able to speak French and Spanish. This type of Saturday is known as:


"Ejcuse me, do you speak Spanish?"

All you people out there that don't have a Spanish name don't have to suffer through this every Saturday. All you Johns or Marys or Mohammeds out there don't have to fear that dreaded call that comes in around 10 o'clock from a long distance number that you know is a Spanish place somewhere in the US. I get these because my name is Spanish, Chuck...er... sorry Carlos. So every Saturday it never fails, a 305 area code number or some really pathetic number that I have no clue where the fuck it's from (878?) calls. The first thing the person at the other end of the line does is: "Ejcuse me do you speak Spanish?"

Of course I don't speak Spanish, not for you at least. I know from experience that these people want to sell me a long distance plan that's going to save me billions of dollars... They didn't understand, because trust me I have spoken with them before, that my family resides within spitting distance of my house. I know of no one that lives outside of Canada, I don't make freaking long-distance calls. These people keep on calling me asking if I speak Spanish and the response is always the same "fuck no!" One day I'm sure they're going to have a smart guy call and tell me that he speaks English, I will immediately change to French and if that doesn't work, I'll pull a couple of Chinese phrases...If that doesn't work I'll tell them that it's my partner that makes the decisions...wait no,,,,the gay people will start calling then...


Take care folks!