Go with the flow bro...

Hello!

Hey hey hey… couldn't let the year go bye bye without a final post to wish you all a great 20 14….

So how do I end this? Like always, a big thanks to my millions of readers and my 6 faithful followers who have braved weather conditions to read my blog… as the Portuguese say: “obrigado”….I like the sound of it…

Circa 2002

My wife went to my niece’s bday party yesterday and Fff me! Things move really fast when you are still! I found out that my oldest niece has spread her wings and moved out of my brother’s house! It’s a STFU moment, an O M G with pauses in between the vowels people! Jezuuss, I remember just yesterday being at the gym with my brother and us having comeback home just to be told that my sis-in-law was rushed to the hospital because of her preeclampsia condition; my heart goes out to my brother, I can see my future through him… And it looks AWESOME!!! I mean, dude think of what you can do with the extra room! Let your imagination go wild: a smoking room, a library, a porno collection room… Anything!! I mean, sure it sucks that your kid wants to do her life now, but brother you can stick a freaking Harley Davidson in there just because you can! And when the other one decide to leave the nest, hopefully in a while –right, because the rebellious one will change her way of thinking soon- you got 2 freaking rooms!! I’m thinking sauna here; maybe even sell the house move to Pompano Beach and start cooking meth. I heard there’s some good money there; call it middle age crisis before becoming a grandpa…

Any hoot. A happy new year to you all… lots of health and love…

The Walking Bad

Hello!

Sunday people and we are once again vegetating! This Netflix is contagious, we’re in the final season of The Walking Dead; and Breaking Bad is not that bad either. I curse the day my daughters started to watch these shows; but it’s not only them, no, my wife’s customer are also seeing these shows right now! Let’s just say that those houses aren’t getting properly cleaned.

Hey 2014 is upon us, I think we’re going to do the vegetating thing on the 31^st; heck, we’re probably be in bed before the New Year shows its face…. I know, bad luck and a curse will rain upon my family… blah blah blah…People, people, I don’t know how low our luck could get; let’s put it this way, if this was a limbo competition we would probably be in the finals… soooo, bitch please, last time I tasted solid food was 2 weeks ago…

Any hoot, I hope I see you soon, if I don’t, well, Happy New Year to you and yours….

Netfluke

Hello!

Almost forgot to tell you the story of my life….what?!.. It’s a good song to listen while reading my blog and drinking white wine..

So, my daughters have been pulling us left and right with their narration of their favorite Internet shows: “Breaking Bad” and “The Walkingdead”. So yesterday I finally said “Fuck it”, we are going to see these shows to be the judge of their taste. Well my Monday bath guy, the coolest bath guy around, told me about Netflix, A place where you could see all these show and you get 1 month free; plus it’s only $8.00 dollars a month if you like it. That sounds reasonable, besides what's $8.00 dollars a month when it’s being charged to your wife’s credit card… pfft, piece of chocolate cake. Yesterday night I setup Netflix on our PS3 and after a good 20 minutes of downloading updates and shit… A new world had opened to our eyes, we were thrilled! We started seeing Breaking Bad, a couple of shows, and then we moved to The Walking Dead…. I tell ya, these kids are slowly but surely becoming my idols when it comes to the latest gadgets to be cool… The shows were amazing, my wife got so hooked on them she canceled her day and we vegetated all freaking day watching the shows….I think the pets ate because my wife accidentally stumbled on the dog food while getting a glass of water…

Say my name… You're goddamn right Carlos fucking Guzman…No, really it is...

The Queen in me

Hello!

Happy National Fruitcake day to all you fruitcakes out there…

Just came back from a medical appointment for my daughter… get this, I was referred to this appointment 2 years ago, back when my kid was 11; now she’s freaking 13!! At least I got that out of the way, now on to bigger and better things…

You know, every time I take the bus and they sit me in the center of it, I feel like a queen… And not like Queen Latifah with her high fives and her was up Nig…… Nigel! What is up Nigel is what I was going to write. Although theoretically, I could use the “N” word since my step dad was black, I believe he was also a black panther; Haitian chapter. Sooo, just saying… But back to my story, I feel like a queen. Queen Elizabeth; I feel I should be throwing “Hellos” to the commoners. People such as you that cannot ride on the special bullet proof bus - I’m sure it’s bullet proof- because you are not born royal such as me. I am one, maybe two notches above the populaces and have the God given right to sit there waiving at the crowds. But then, they sit Jimmy the mentally challenged guy beside me and it all goes down hell from there with his talk of poopy pants and stuff… I feel normal again quite fast, but those 2 seconds of feeling super superior to everyone makes my day….

Take care folks….

PS I got to blog about my new discoveries and how TV will never be the same again….

Sodom and Gomorrah

Hello!

So how do I start this, “Hello my name is Carlos and I’m an alcoholic”? I really don’t know, after yesterday’s pandemonium I’ll have to redefine my vocabulary.

First of all, kudos to little J’s dad for having kept up with me and the sangria: we drank about 3 liters worth of booze between him and me. He ended up dancing the Debka fully nude, plus apparently I called a 20 odd year Parisian girl “my girlfriend” in front of my wife and in-laws… Seriously, liquid courage in a bottle my friends. But to be cleared, I corrected my mistake on the spot; I called the person who provide me with the Italian cheese cake recipe, Lidia Bastianich, my girlfriend…As for little J’s dad dancing thing, I guess he’s been repressing these sexual tensions all this time; after all, my sister-in-law’s dog kept on humping his leg all night long, dogs can sense things people. I got a feeling that little J’s dad might soon explore his feminine side if you know what I mean…

Take care people…

The mother of all feasts...

Hello!

Well it’s 9:00PM and work is well underway for our Food Fest 20 13… They are making the pig’s feet toasts, the tamales for the tortas, the Italian Cheese cake –ricotta cheese-, the Sangria… and a whole bunch of little stuff; plus little J’s family is bringing over his Kosher ham leg, so there is going to be plenty of chow tomorrow!

I also want to wish all of you a safe and happy holiday season, filled with love, health, money and whatever you asked Saint Nick to bring you. Joyeuses fêtes à toutes les personnes qui viennent lire ce blog…. Feliz Navidad…

Let’s hope the Alkasltzer does the trick on the 25….

He's keeping a list...

Hello!

I prepare this post on the 22^nd of December… Why am I telling you the date? Well it is the day that my oldest came out of the closet! Yeah, she does not love Christmas like a normal child; too commercialized. DUH, it’s part of the season: buy stuff… but you see folks, she dissociated  herself with anything related to Christmas. Cases in point, my wife asked for some help putting up the Xmas tree, her response?

- “Why don’t you get your other daughter to help you, I don’t believe in the Christmas thing…” 

My wife was furious, actually she didn't give a hoot, she knows that there will come a day when she will be the one doing the Christmas thing for her kids; and if she doesn't I expect to be around to spoil those kids…stupid teenager phase…Santa is going to skip this household

Take care folks…

PS She doesn't believe in Christmas, but she still wants her presents…

Food fest update

Hello!

Hope all is well…

Well it’s nasty out there, we got snow, drizzle and freezing rain; you name it we got it! It’s not only here, most of the Eastern coast is under this winter storm… you got to love this world!.. Christmas eve the day we (Latinos) celebrate, is on the verge of being canceled… But Santa is still going to drop by, that’s 100% sure... At this point food fest 20 13 is on the verge of not happening…so much for the Kosher ham leg….

Take care…

Celebrating the Holidays: Fat man edition

Hello!

Good day folks, hope you’re building up to your holidays mega bashes… we are! This weekend it’s going to be a busy one for my wife and kids… everything under my direction and stamp of approval.. I’m the supervisor..

Yeah, we be pigs...

First of all, the food. The menu has been changing day to day. Apparently now even little J’s dad is part of the party; and he’s Jewish! Didn't his ancestors kill JC? And now he’s celebrating the event with a ham leg!? Really?! This is a thumb’s down for every Jew, Muslim and vegetarian out there; and I’m not too thrilled either. His efforts deserve an A+, but next time stick to Latkes; a dish I usually crave this time of the year. Then we got my mother-in-law/wife/me, we are having a mixture of toasted tortillas with pig’s feet… not my idea folks, but apparently I like the dish. I hate it when I can’t recall if I have tasted the dish before, but my better half claims I have and that it has become one of my favourite… I better start taking notes on what I have eaten in the past… Finally, and this is my idea, “tortas de tamal” or tamale like Americans and Canadians like to call it. It’s a Mexican dish which basically is a tamal sandwich on a French bread; and they ask themselves why they are the society with the most obese people…. Don’t look at me, I’m from El Salvador; we’re good looking people who like “pan con chumpe”… I’m just married to the obese Mexican mob….

Any hoot, it’s going to be Food Fest 20 13!! Here’s hoping you and yours have a grandiose and epic food fest too…

Take care folks….

Quantumic Vampires

Hello!

Good Karaté day to you….tis the day my kids go to karate class, they’re about to level up… so beware everybody….

This morning Olivia came running down the stairs doing here usual routine so that she can be taken out to do her things…. She knows how to push your buttons this one, so I pushed a button myself to get somebody to take her out at 3:00 AM. That somebody is my wife… God bless her soul… obviously, she was able to go back to sleep; me?... no freaking way, I got an ADD mind and it started to go in all sorts of directions. I was thinking of everything and everyone.  At the top of the list was Christmas and quantum physics; I know. Right? How the FF did those two got in the mix together, I ain’t got a clue; but they were there. Then it hit me. “Vampires are the perfect quantum beings!!”.. Think about it! Quantum dictates that the electron shows its place only if it is being measured; looked at! This was one of Einstein’s beef with quantum crap; he wanted to believe that the moon was there even if he wasn’t looking at it. Vampires if they see themselves in a mirror do not project an image and therefore are in a state of quantum la-la land…. Put that in your pipe and smoke it professor Kaku!... all of those great minds and they can’t explain to the masses that we basically don’t exist until we are measure… Dam I’m good!

Take care folks….

PS okay, for those die hard that are yelling “What about Edward?!”… He’s in freaking celluloid and therefore being measure…Of course he is going to show up…

PS PS Stupid dog, waking me up from my slumber…

Insanity has a name...

Hello…

Happy Monday folks…

It is brutally cold out there and I don’t think I’ll be going anywhere; not today, not tomorrow… I mean -30c wind chill factor and I know lots of people are going it’s subjective and it’s all in my head; yeah well, it’s in my head, my legs, my feet, so pretty much everywhere.. So (crotch grabbing) go “F” yourselves…

So yeah, big shout out to my new followers out there, guess they have like 3 years of material to go through; from my humble beginnings of “Hi I’m chuck and I got MS” to my current status of “Hi, I’m Chuck and I got MS”.. You see the difference there?!... Punctuation bitch, improved grammatical skills.. Having time on your hands will do that to you. That and coming up with different theories why life works the way it does and why my "Wave" theory hasn't panned out yet in the Lotto-Max jackpot… one day, one day…in the meantime enjoy my stories and keep yer chin up… and remember, when God closes a door it’s because he opened a window and would like all handicapped people try and go through it so he could have a good chuckle watching them do it… it’s a working theory and has not been proven yet so don’t blame me for it…

They care folks…

Suavemente...

Hello!

Good Sunday folks…

It was a movie weekend for us yesterday night. First time in a long time that the movies we picked hit target at 100%.. we saw The Heat, The Conjuring and the movie about the White House with Jamie Foxx and Magic Mike guy… I think I like this one better over the Morgan Freeman one….. Morgan does not cut it as president for me; he’s more of a god type of actor… in a nutshell, great movie night… Plus it was a lazy Saturday, -2x degrees out there and by the end of the night the +10cm of now that was promised was on its way. Tonight?! It is Survivor grand finale, all my money is on Monica… it is going to be awesome! Well here is hoping you had a wonderful weekend too, I look forward to telling you about my life some other day…

Tata for now…

PS I got Elvis Crespo song stuck in my head, bet it's in your head now too...

Letters from hell

Hello!

My life story... (courtesy of  pxleyes.com)

It’s been a stressful week for me here… ever since I put that penny in my left shoe because apparently it brings good luck.. I mean, bank lost a check that was supposed to cover several automatic payments , I found out that it will not be 600 dollars that I owe for the adaptations of my place but rather 1900 smackers… if this is good luck, I don’t want to know what bad luck is for my bath lady…. Aaaaand all of this just to find out today that in the Chinese culture sticking a penny in the left shoe is a bad omen; I jinxed myself!!… just give me a gun to end this quickly, I say…

But beside all of the misfortunes I've endure this week, I’m "fine"… but who knows what other shenanigans I will encounter since I am now officially cursed: hunger, love child, sweaty palms, arrested… a word of advice, don’t put a penny inside your left shoe; you will be at the mercy of financial disasters -with an "s"-... you've been warn…

Take care folks…

PS To paraphrase one of my hero's: "If you're going through hell, don't stop..."... to which I add, why the fuck would you like to stop and admire the scenery; it's fucking hell....

I am a very positively negative person...

Hello!

…yes, I am writing early today; why?

It’s one of those days when every other thing goes wrong; really wrong…

Started yesterday night when I had finally localized the grant check that the government had sent for my home adaptation…. Great! I’ll have to pay only $600 dollars as per my occupational therapist logical deductions…. Well, no; it’s not that simple… you see the government sent an inspector to check the work afterwards, he went through everything and found some things that hadn't been executed properly or were eliminated from the modifications all together thus revising my grant in the negative way… example? Well there is no need for a ramp because the landlords redid the outside. Contractor eliminated 1k off the project, the government took out 2k… in a nutshell, I am indebted 2k for the construction of my place and I have no clue what is going to happen…

Let’s recap my lucky journey so far as per my bath lady… I wear a lucky penny on my left shoe all day, I get stuck on the ice yesterday and at night I am told that the government sucks and therefore I must dish out $2000 dollars; what’s next, they’ll cut off the electricity?... ah, there it went…

Take care folks… 

Don’t trust whitey…

Hello!

Good day to you all and my deepest sympathies for the Mandela family…

So! I got my story for the day, the week; heck, maybe even the year…

I was minding my own business getting a bath today, not caring about going out because we just got dumped 10cm of that beautiful white stuff; and I know it’s still bad out there. So I told my bath lady: “no, don’t dress me up. I am not going out…”.. She was perplexed on why the F*ck not I wasn’t going out to enjoy the cool weather; with sun and all! She even told me that she had found a lucky penny and would put it inside my left shoe so that it would bring me good luck and all… I told her that beautiful as it was I rather stayed home. Suddenly, the meals on wheels girl came in and reinforced the suggestion of my bath lady: “C’est beau dehors!..” (It’s gorgeous out there). Okay, 2 person’s saying the same thing can’t be wrong… beside they look so friendly… so I asked to be dressed for my outing….and off I went to buy cat food, even if the stupid cat does not love me…. Going to the shopping center was a breeze, no dilemmas to report….coming back, was a completely different story….

Here I was with my bag of food, driving back when suddenly a patch of ice that I had just gone through stopped me dead on my tracks; my wheels were spinning! It didn't matter what speed or direction I was trying to go: I was dead on the ice… Great! And I was too lazy to get my cell phone so I could call someone…Fack me, I will never trust another woman again… dam bee with itches… luckily, good Samaritans still exist; a car stopped, a Mercedes Benz, and the person pushed me out of trouble and waited until I had reached my home… 

dam Germans, they’re so cool…I take it he was German, he was driving a German car...

Take care folks…

Friday's reflections....

Hello!

Well 2 in a row, not too shabby…..

So the pain I was feeling on my left arm subsided and I can resume my game playing, blog making, TV watching incarceration… can’t complain too much, I know it could be worse, so I will shut the fuck up and sit here looking pretty….

Have I told you that I have become a Target addicted person? Oh yeah, big time! I think I will get a star or something on their honour wall… Just yesterday I bought 3 electronic games for my kid’s birthday; you know the latest: GTA, Saint Row IV or V and Dead Pool… obviously, I was reminded by her that I did not get Assassin Creed.. What a bad dad I am… also, I pampered myself with the purchase of a Blue Tooth speaker in the shape of a ball!! I think it’s from the iHome family, powerful little shit…. Any hoot, what I like the most is that the people that work there seemed to be fully bilingual speaking better English than the people that worked there before. Gad I wish I had a shit load of money so that I could spend my days there…

On the down side, it seems that my local pharmacy, Jean Coutu, doesn’t want my business anymore since they have equipped their exits (my entrances) with metal poles as to make the exits impossibly narrow for wheelchair people to access their business… I could always stir up shit for here since the law states that anybody has to have access to the place of business… I’ll just let my wallet go somewhere else…fuck them… excuse my Russian…

Take care folks….

PS I feel Target should pay me for this........

Crisis

Hello!

Good day y’all….

Now I don’t know if this pain on my left arm is MS or I just wank off too hard, but if it’s MS chances are that my left arm will go numb and I won’t be able to blog for a while; so be warned….now, I know is not a heart attack cause it’s not in the region that TV people go for when acting a heart thing… so here’s wishing is just pain… but that’s my story…

I was birthday shopping with my kid today and coming back she had a question… a valid one too..”Have I ever seen a black person dressed like a Santa Claus?”…????!!!... Of course my answer was negative but it shook the foundations of my persona! “why haven’t I seen one?!?” I mean, I’m a very open minded person! Why wouldn't there be a black Santa?!.. It’s the 21^st century, why haven’t we work on this?!?...then we came home and my oldest said it was normal.. WTF!?! I didn't raise her to be a racist! My father was black! (step dad) then she told me that Coca Cola has the rights to this so they want white Santa’s.. I don’think she’s right, but I will definitely look into this…

Take care….

melancholically fragrance

Hello!

Good day all… hope you are all having a wonderful day… I had a normal one: bath, ate, played…. I went out for a bit; got my kid’s present for her bday and I bought cookies… it’s national cookie day today!! I will celebrate in style….

So went to the dentist yesterday, the guy /prescribe antibiotics and some dental work to be done at the end of January, just before my birthday…. Also, I went to the cops so that my daughter provided them with her video testimony and I could feel closer and closer to a 48 hour cop show… it was awesome…! Then in the afternoon I went out to buy something, can’t remember what it was but I had a melancholically flashback; the type that reminded me that I was once able to walk and do stuff on my own… it was rather de-motivational; I felt like a sub human that has to be on the sideline waiting for someone to give him the time of day… and today I feel better, stupid PBA… any hoot, got to run…

Take care people..

Gānbēi!!!

Hello!

And hello December… last month of the year, this is the year that we are all predicted to die for real… not like Dec 21^st as per the Aztecs; them guys knew diddly squat about predicting stuff… actually, it is us that for some freaky reason are trying to put an end to this party… stupid people, just go and die on your own, I like it here so leave me alone…

So what’s my December looking like?

Well Tuesday I am off to the dentist as my tooth/molar is killing me; I’ve been living on pain killers and salty & hot water mouth washes… also this is the day that I am going to the police with my youngest so she can declared her statement against that sexual predator… then it’s a party on Saturday to celebrate her birthday. We will be attending a Chinese buffet we repetitive eating and drinking; it is going to be awesome…..

Take care folks….let December roll on bye….

My stormy day at the CMR...

Hello!

Got home from my wheelchair fixing and it’s a mess out there! Weather wise speaking….

I was right about them throwing everything in when predicting the weather. We got snow, we got rain, freezing rain, drizzle; we got it all…. At least that is the last of my outing this week. My chair got fixed, control is solid, I got new batteries and they replaced the back rest; so this should carry me until next summer… the only thing that I hated this morning was that my appointment was at 8:00 AM and I got there at 7:21… the bus picked me up at 6:48AM…. I was out before my girls were gone to school. Next week I’ll have to go out and record a deposition with my daughter at the cops…then that’s basically it for November…bring on Christmas….

Take care folks…

Suga this mofos....

Hello!

Good day to you all…

Meeting with medical specialist for daughter #1? Checked!

Eating meals on wheels dish? Checked!

Getting bath by foxy momma? Checked!

Surviving low sugar reading? PRICE_F_ING_LESS!! Thank you God and all the saints from heaven….let me explain…

I went to the meeting regarding my kid and her imaginary problem; trust me, it’s all in her head… While coming back I had a headache and I was feeling dizzy… so I was going to have something sweet (it’s always like this in my culture anything wrong=something sweet); I wasn’t sure what was my sugar level at so I took a precautionary step and draw some blood… Holly S*it… double check to make sure and yes, I had a whopping 1.5 (27 American reading)!!! I’m dying and I didn’t even notice. Obviously this meant “carte blanche” on sweets; any freaking sweets…. The problem was that there wasn’t anything yummy; I had two swallow 2 spoons of blueberry jam and take my sugar after… I did it was reading a 6.4 (115 or so American)… fudge, I better stock up on sweets as my levels have been dropping constantly………. Any hoot, meeting was boring and I survived a sugar meltdown… sooo all is good…

Take care folks…

PS The medical meeting was so boring that the nurse was falling asleep…

What does Tina has to do with it...

Hello!

So how’s life? Good, as long as somebody is happy in this world that’s all that counts….

Yes, I am having an angry moment this morning and I hope it gets better as the day progresses but I really doubt it. So what’s making me bitch today?.... well there are several things that kinda flipped me over the edge..

Spoiler alerts

Would it hurt the news people to provide you with an alert regarding some major TV program that was playing on TV the previous night? My example here is the AMA (American Music Awards). You see last night I was watching something else while I was recording the AMA, I could then enjoy the show later and, bonus, I would bypass all the commercials…cool!! Not so cool! This morning while watching the morning news (spoiler alert): “Taylor Swift wins 4 AMA…Miley Cyrus sings with cat in background...”..ARGH!!! Boils my blood!! I was going to watch this show today, why did they ruin it for me?! This is the future people, I don’t have to see live TV right away now; be courteous and give me a heads up! Now I will probably delete the show and go on with life….

Weather channel

I remember there was a time when the weather person was dead on with the forecast…  Now, it has become a guessing game!! Yesterday morning it was “Snow storm 15cm coming our way…” Today it is: “We will probably get 5 to 10cm of snow with lots of rain….”…???!!!... What happened to all the snow we were supposed to get? Obvious it was the topic of my bath today and the guy told me that the head weather guy had said that due to budget cuts they now have no time to analyze in-depth the weather charts like they use to…crap… I don’t know what to say; maybe when forecasting they should throw everything in there: snow, rain, windy, sunny with a chance of sands storms…

Best be going, I hear that Ryan from Family Guy is dead.. I am a bag of mixed emotions now; all is missing is somebody erroneous knocking at my door… crap, somebody is; who the F is Tina?!

Shakespeare and my girls...

Hello!

Well, all my school meetings have been done and mix feelings have come out of them… all I can think of is “Double, double toil and trouble; Fire burn, and cauldron bubble…”… I know, I’m a moron but in my defense, I feel like it applies to me… If I were to explain myself, the mention of “double double” refers to my girl; they are two. Fire burn would have to be life and…and.. Look, my blog! deal with it… I just like the phrase since this morning when the weather person quoted Shakespeare or whoever wrote that sonnet from MacGyver… talk to the hand, my blog…

But back to my girls….

One was all praises and congrats on the fine job we are doing as parents; cause it shows… it’s actually all her that deserves the tributes…  The other one got a dose of “Welcome to life my dear” and if you don’t do well in this class, next year you are out of this school and on your own… I think she got shell shock because coming back home she came up with her own intervention plan to get better and finish her school with a bang…

Let’s see how long it lasts..

Any hoot, take care folks and thanks Jessica for that motivational quote….once again, my blog…

PS Thank you "Shakespeare on the Sound" for the image...

Anything is possible...

Hello!

Happy Tuesday people!! Hope all is well with you and yours, if you have any “yours” in your life…

So how are mine? Same old, same old… Wife working, me farming, kids studying.. or at least trying to; which brings me to tomorrow and after tomorrow… couple of meetings to attend to my kids respective schools, and I found out today that the one that is apparently “normal” (in accordance to our convention), is not living up to expectations… She is doing so-so below average, with the possibilities of flunking school.. Now I know that school is not the solution for all of us, but it will improve her chances in life. This is if she doesn't become successful in another branch of it such as acting, which btw she is exceeding in her grades in this field: theater and drama… so hope is always there…you can push too hard on this one as she might react bad and drop everything altogether..

As for the one in “special-ed” course, she is acing it with flying colors…. She works hard and she deserves every, and any, gratification coming her way.. Plus in arts she is killing it! Her old school called to see if she could go and visit them as her work of art that won her a city prize is now hanging on one of the walls…. Kudos baby…

In general I am very proud of my girls, wife included, as they all seem to be heading in the right direction…. Fully Canadian and artists in their respective field...

Take care folks…

Sunday recap

Hello!

Good day people…

Wet and windy Sunday today! Got to love it, my skins are playing today against Philadelphia and RG III is going to bring it; and F Seattle!...

Not doing much lately, having meetings this Wednesday and next Tuesday at my kids' schools; also have to meet the cops regarding my kid and her sexual predator… we might have to go to court since I think they got the guy… it will be a busy end of the month. And now?! Christmas is in the horizon! I feel that life just flies so fast; it is true that the more immobile you are the faster you go…someone, somewhere just have to give me a break….. Game time coming, got to go…

Take care people….

Life remains the same...sigh...

Hello!

Good day to you all…

Well, it’s a “beautiful” day out there today…. Nice and sunny but cold enough to bring out your winter gear….

Construction has ended and I have been late with pictures I had promised but what do you want, sh*t happens… Now granted, it isn't an excuse for not delivering what I had promised; but I will make it a point to ask my wife to prepare the camera so that I can take a couple of pics of the finished product… a bit of a whimper ending if you ask me, the project that was a wall in front of my pad went to a big flower box to pine bushes to pines bushes inside plastic containers …. I get some sort of privacy but not the one I was promised; and my life?... well it’s been ups and downs full of mixed emotions… from “joyous” ones to “I am definitely” getting a divorce next week; all of this while playing FV2 and World of Tanks battles…. Kind of life that is nice to dream with but dreadful to go through it…

Any hoot, have a nice day; a nice life…

Take care folks…

Hello?! Anybody out there?

Hello!

Happy November!

Well we’re sleeping 1 hour more, but boy does the lack of sun is killing me…brrr…… I would hate to live in that Scandinavian town where the sun doesn't hit directly at all and they have had to install large mirrors to deflect the sunlight into town…..

Just came back from out there to get some sun rays and it seems that I have been contaminated by the solitude virus. There’s nobody out there people! Nobody!! I was at the park and no cars were on the streets, I went around the park, thinking I would stumble with someone, and nobody was there. It’s like nobody is remotely at close proximity of me, they are all avoiding me or I have become the real “last man alive”… I can hear people, I can see cars but it seems that as soon as I get close to them, they disappear. It’s weird, here I was bitching about, not so long ago, about people coming to disturb my solitude and now I think the Universe has granted me that wish….. Be careful folks; don’t wish for something you might not really want….

Take care folks…

A Canadian, with a hint of Jalapeño..

Hello!

Good day all…

It is official, my better half is now Canadian after passing with flying colors her exam.. .. She got 85% on an exam and ace every other test she had to do… Proud of you babe…!

I am nothing in a vast land of solitude...

Hello!

Good day people, crappy day for us here in the hood…rainy, cold, dark, pupu caca weather, but I like it…

My kids and I realized today, after having a hearty pumpkin soup with a grilled cheese sandwich, that our sugar levels were low; extremely low… it needed some action on the part of an adult… a wheelchair moving guy that would go out and “hunt” this sugar animal that would be feasted upon tonight… with coffee…  I was such a man! So off I went to the supermarket on the prowl for sweet junk… and I found it! There were apple strudels, May West, flaky vanilla pastry; I got them all! .. I was happy…

Coming out of the store I did something different that I don’t think I have ever done before; instead of looking frontward, as not to hit anyone or be run into by a car, I looked up at the sky and was mesmerized by it. I felt puny, small, insignificant, a speck of dust.. Here I was realizing that my problems and I are nothing compare to this place we live in; that however rich, beautiful, powerful or whatever, I was going to die one day just like every single thing in this Universe… I was dumbfounded by the revelation and the beauty of it all… so I navigated back home looking at the sky, my body knowing full well the manoeuvers that had to be made to get me safely home where I was greeted with cynicism and disgust over my realization of the smallness of my being and the lack of taste on the selection of pastry… Stupid kids, let them go out in the rain next time their sugar level is low…..

Take care folks…

PS sorry to the dude whose car I almost ran into due to my looking up at the sky… I was mesmerized dude…

I've been deputized...

Hello

Good day to you all…

So here I was early in the morning, like 9 AM, when I got a call from the police….. Okay let me back track here for a sec seeing that I probably lost most of you…

A couple of weeks ago an incident happened with my family where the intervention of the cops was required… needless to say that today they call to follow up with me and how everything was going with life and to reassure me that they were on the case… I told them that everything was hunky dory and that I wish them the best in capturing the individual seeing that I wasn't the only person that had been affected by this individual but that another lady in the building had also been harmed and that she had scratched the guy's face… screeching halt    …. The officer stopped me on my tracks and started to ask questions on the second incident.. She was not aware that they had come to my building twice for the same man and for a similar infraction!! I told him that there was a video of him for both incidents and that there was 2 reports.  She was baffled and told me she was going to look into it to see what was going on.. She was going to put a BOLO out so they could get this guy… bolo means ``Be On the Look Out” in police jargon.. In my country it means a drunken guy.. kinda like the cops who should have been working on this case more efficiently and that I probably helped them bust this case wide open but that I’ll probably  never get recognition on it…any hoot… I should get a medal or something…

Take care folks

Burned, the Windex bimbo...

Hello!

Never ever, ever, EVA… get in between a woman and her coupons!

I just came back from buying cat food and there was a girl beside me with 8 bottles of Windex… that’s right 8 bottles… I take it she worked at a company where she needed this product; no biggie. As she was about to pay, she took out a stash of coupons that she promptly gave to the cashier with an explanation:

-“there were 4 coupons from the company and 4 from the shopping store”

The cashier really didn't give a flying fornication if the Almighty had given this lady the coupons……. The 8 bottles came out costing the customer $1.80… extreme couponing is in Canada; alright!...

At about the same time on the cash register beside us another lady was doing the same with the exception that the cash register clerk was an older and more mature person; so she read the coupons and was denied the bounty at such low price…Defense bitch, get used to it; I said to myself… Well she wasn't sitting ill and immediately raised her tone of voice bitching and using fuzzy logic that only a Mexican, such as my wife, is commonly at ease with…. “I want the manager, you guys are robbing us, I’m entitle to the savings…” She was drawing all attention to her..

 Well I don’t know how it ended but that last thing I heard before I skedaddle out of here was somebody call 911

Potential dreaming

Hello!

How is everybody?

Well I've been un-attending my blog with just reason; it’s *beeping* beautiful outside, I can go out at will! I do a lot of day dreaming of things that will probably never happen but I can dream about them…. Outside….  And yesterday something happened that I knew had to be posted today to let you know that not everything is okay with my new found door….

Yesterday a person just walked into my place and my little one freaked out; I got freaked out! I asked the old lady if I could help her and she immediately started talking about renting an apartment. ?!WTF?!... She thought that my place was the administrating office!! F_ck me!! It was a justifiable mistake… I directed her to where she could get info and then wondered off out there and yes; my place jumps out at you like if it was an office!! I mean, you got “patio door patio door patio door patio door patio door..” DOOR; this must be the office! NO you *beeping* morons! My door is not an entrance to an office! People are wondering if my place is an office; it looks like an office but it is not. Keep on going straight and turn left………………THERE’S THE ENTRANCE!!!

Take care folks…..

PS Freaking morons.. Okay, back out door where I hope that some of my potential dreams become kinectic ones...

Morning drama...

Hello!

Happy October people….

So yeah, I got the scare of a lifetime yesterday night. I got 2 special communications through the mail that I was not expecting. One was a DVD with the photos that were taking during summer camp this year… it melted my heart, it was a nice reminder of the good time I had and of the good people I met while at this camp… brought tears to my eyes.. The second communication dried up all the emotions that I had succumbed to in a jiffy….. I was holding in my hands the total amount that needed to be paid for all the work that had been done at my place this summer: Automatic door, the rail on the ceiling, the width of the door…. All of those nice things that were done now had to be paid. The amount that they are asking is $15,194.00 dollars!! I don’t have that cash, I thought the government was paying this!?! Is this some sort of corruption scheme that I have been hearing on in the news? They do know that I will fight this to the end, I have to speak with the manager of the project… there is something wrong here!!

Folks, it was the longest night of the summer for me; I was going to pick up the phone and find out what was happening this morning! Well, I did call and they put my mind at rest telling me to ignore the letter because my case had to be worked on with the government…. What a relief! Here I was thinking I had to prostitute myself to pay for the work that had been done… they shouldn't send letters like that to people whose cases still pending…. I could have died from a heart attack…

My morning….sigh…

Take care folks…

PS On top of that my oldest was pissed off with everybody because her shoe was broken and we didn't have crazy glue to fix it....yeah, my bad too..stupid hormones...

The tree watcher

Hello!

So yeah, I was minding my own business, sitting pretty outside, when suddenly the landlord came to me and told me if I didn't mind looking at the trees. I told him that they were beautiful and he said thank you….???!WTF?!!!...what just happened I asked myself… Well after consulting with his son, who’s English speaking skills are much better, I found out that the father has drafted me as a security guard for the precious shrubs he is planting everywhere. Apparently people are stealing them like there’s no tomorrow… How do I get myself in situations like this you may ask… well, it’s fairly simple really...read on...

You see folks, men (in general) will always walk by everything in their path; but open the hood of a car or set up a construction site and we become like flies swirling around a big pile of poo poo platter. Well today was no exception, they were working outside and it drew my attention so I wondered out there to take the sun... And I was recruited without me even noticing…

Happy to report I didn't lose a single tree but the other side of the building did have a casualty; let’s see how the night goes…

Take care folks….

A Saturday in the sun...

Hello!

What a beaut of a week it was, nothing but sun….

Nothing much to report about except that it is the end of September and everything is looking pretty; or at least that’s how I see things since I came back from summer camp…and I can’t wait to go back…

The construction out there has come to an almost complete stop. They are now planting shrubs everywhere and soon enough they will put something in front of my place, they just don’t know what yet… I promise that when everything is complete I will snap a couple of pictures so that I can show you what it looks like now… pretty pretty folks, pretty pretty…

Have a great weekend…

Preparing for next year's summer

Hello!

Good day all….

So construction, 1^st part, seems to be winding down. Patio has been done and right now, they are sweeping the mess they have created. I’m going to miss the whole construction experience, the noise, the Spanish speaking construction guys who I bonded with and or for whom I had to take several criticisms on the speed, or lack of, that they were doing their job… on a whole bunch of things that were happening here because of the construction fiasco that was happening…. Oh well time to plant 280 trees and bushes as I was informed by my wife this morning, plus my exterior plant walls are coming up soon, which means I get to buy a patio set next spring to have bbqs all summer long…it is promising to be an awesome year next year… can’t wait…

Take care folks…

Taking the autumn sun

Hello!

Yeah well not exactly a romantic fall tale but rather the bitching I get for taking the autumn sun… seriously some people were born bitches and they will never change…

Yesterday I am minding my own business and out of the blue this guy comes to me and starts complaining that the construction of my building is raking too long..???.. Excuse me, I didn't know I own the place! He kept on going on the number of people that were working wasn't enough and how he would have done it differently… at the end I just told him that it was going to look pretty dam nice, he added that there was probably going to be a rent increase again… oy vey… wtf people, wtf.

And today, a guy comes up to me and starts bitching about how uncivilized people were with the parking situation. He was physically showing me examples of how people were parking too close to other people; specially his car… He added that something needed to be done to solve the problem and then he stormed away..

Seriously, do I look like I own the place? Do I look like I care? Negative on both folks, I really don’t give a rat’s ass about what is going on! To me everything is peachy and I am currently thinking of faking a nap while outside and people are coming my way…

Just saying….

Amityville, wheelchair edition....

Hello…

It was a close one folks…sorry…hope you’re all doing well…

As I was saying, it was a close one folks!

I got up, they transferred me to the chair and “WAMO!” the tilting mechanism that makes my body rest wasn’t working! SHIT! I call the CMR so that I could have someone come over and fix it; I thought I could handle it but I couldn't, my body was slowly being dragged down by gravity, yes the 9.8 m/s thing, to the ground! So my wife put me back in bed while the guy came over…

The guy cometh 

Yes the guy came and just like me he thought it was going to be a walk through the park; well it wasn't. He changed the switch, nope, he opened the main fuse box, nope, he even tried connecting a switch directly to the mechanism…. NOPE! He started to panic and said that it didn't look good…"Oh no" I whispered… At that moment my bath lady came and I told her that all she had to do was get me dress since I didn't want to get naked in front of the guy, so she did… while the guy fixed the chair I talked about the awesome time I had at camp with her and how I had already reserved my spot for next year…and then…”BZZxxxxxxUUUU” (is the best noise description I could come up with, give me a break.H)… The tilting device started to work! I asked the guy what was the problem and I could see his face was in a state of disbelief, he didn't know what he had touched that made my chair worked… so we shook hands and promised never to talk about the incident as we would file this under “Unexplained” and go on with our lives… So thank you Mr. Universe for letting me get out of bed and start working…

So I am here in a chair that seemed to be possess and praying that it keeps on working until Friday when I will go and have it checked…or exorcised...

Take care non-believers….

Stuck

Hello!

Good first week of the fall North America….. Enjoy the weather if you can….

So, in a bit of a slump lately; I know, I know, “now what?!” right? Well, I could be interacting with people and not only with me… that didn't come out right.. I meant I could be talking with people and not only to myself. I know I could go out there and ride around but at this moment

things seem to be more of “what the hell am I doing here?”… I think the problem is me and how I perceive things: Everything sucks! I know I should be grateful as there are others that have it worse than me, but still I feel I’ve been cheated, like if I chose the wrong numbers in the Universal lottery (Starmania)… I always tell everyone I interact with that they should go with the flow, if something happens is because it is necessary for it to happen before something better does; and I am usually right! Till this day my wife doesn't let me forget that it was these words that kept her spirits up when she got laid off from her first job… and look at her now!... founder, director and worker of her own company; she basically tells people she cannot take them on as customers and they implore her to put them in an non-existent waiting list… So I do know for a fact that “go with the flow” works, but it’s just while you are stuck there that it really sucks…..

So I guess I’ll just wait here and look pretty….

Take care folks….

La Chanson d'Emilie et du Grand Oiseau - Julien Clerc - Emilie Jolie - 1979

Émilie Jolie

Hello!

I was remembering my past (actually the past of my brothers also) 37 years ago when we came to this great country, province, city. Back on September 19^th 1976, we were out rooted from our little country to come and live in this great nation where peace and tranquility reigns. I owe, we owe (my brothers and I), all ofello! What we have successfully accomplish to our mother.

I just wanted to pay homage to her and thank her for all what she has done for us during all these years… Thanks mom for having us brought to this great land where we have flourished into who we are…

A very special date indeed…

PS and a happy late birthday to the French therapist who took my breath away literally… Bon anniversaire chère dame Parisienne….

Get naked,squat and cough....

Hello!

….And ouch!.....

So the inspector came here and he did the inspecting thing that only those people know how to do. It felt like I was getting a colonoscopy and it wasn't fun like previous experiences... or so I've been told.... He had all these questions that I didn't know the answer to. I mean who the F pays attention to miscellaneous crap, or at least I thought it was miscellaneous crap, that for the inspector was very important!? So at the end I just told him that the people that did the work had all the information and I wasn't given any copy of whatever he was looking for… now I just have to hope for the best and pray for an accident on his fancy car; cause he did have a fancy ride so he must be making the big bucks… somehow….

Any hoot, I am out of here… happy weekend folks!

Noiseless sounds....

Hello!

Good Friday to you all…

Well the outside of my home seems to be about 5 days to go, it is looking like a very expensive place to live in; let’s just hope it will not become one. There’s still some major work to be done outside my place, they will erect a giant “flower box” that will increase the privacy of my get together…. Awesome…..

Sorry I haven’t posted lately but now that I have new found freedom and that winter has not started yet, I have been stepping out and in just because I can. Today it is going to be a tad warm outside; it will actually feel like summer… So if I go out it will be very limited, also the city’s inspector is coming here to see the work that they made at my home and figure out how much money I will end up paying for it…let’s hope it isn’t a lot…..

But that has been an update on my soundless life….

Take care folks….

Relativity wise, we suck!

Hello!

Good to see you all….

Hey, the store Target opened its doors and as I had anticipated, same shit different day. Prices are still high compare to the stores in the USA but this is all due to economics, the US has a 300million market I think that we probably have a market that is 10 times smaller. But not to put my homeland down, I just found out that in Toronto (sucky town of the Universe) they are building 25 skyscraper at the same time; mind you, here in Montreal we are basically using adhesive tape to keep the stones from falling and killing people; real story folks. I guess it’s all that relativity stuff that Einstein discovered…. Well I will wondered off later on to Target and see what all the fuzz is about; maybe buy a baseball cap or something…gad I miss Zellers already….

Other than that, construction is happening in front of my place, they are putting the finishing touches so that the building is presentable to the general public, I mean who gives a hoot about the back, right?.

I’ll blog about my outing mañana gente! Take care…

Warming up to the Independence

Hello!

Good weekend all…

In a couple of hours I will be attending my niece’s bday bash; handing in long overdue birthday gifts that I have omitted to give off due to my lack of presence or funds… time to pay the piper my friends. Mind you, I am not too trill to go because of the crappy weather and the fall like temperatures; and the guy said it was going to be sunny today… what an a_hole!

Tomorrow is independence day for El Salvador and Mexico celebrates “El Grito” at midnight…dam copy cats, we got independencize first.. I know, not a real word, but fck it, my blog my rules….  So we are having, you guessed it: Pozole!... and probably tacos or some other tortilla dish. Oh, we are also having crème brulée for desert, I know not a Mexican dish but let them have it; it’s like Italians believing that the Cesar salad comes from their country seeing that it was originally prepared for Julius Cesar… it’s actually a Mexican dish prepared by Cesar Chavez a famous boxer; actually, no, I don’t know who it was prepared for or by whom but it is a Mexican invention… so thank you Mexico…

Take care folks and happy weekend…

Fall in all its glory

Hello!

$17000 and cents! This is how much the modifications to my place tallied up, thank God I live where I live (Québec, Canada); I don’t know how much will come out of my pockets but it will not be that amount…. Otherwise I will be selling slightly used kids… Interested?

But that having been written, things are slow here. Construction people are working on the other side of the building since the front is pretty advanced; so they are making a push on the other parts of the building. I even wondered out there, because I can now, but came back ipso facto since I am not dress for the occasion… it’s cold outside people, guess fall is really here; oh well same shit different day I guess…

Take care folks…

Butterfly blues...

Hello!

So how’s life?

I was a bit on the down side today, not all day but after I got the link to my summer camp experience.. Seeing all the pics made me miss everyone. I’d like to share the album with you guys so you see how much fun I had…. Hat off to all the people that made it happen and to those to took care of us: Nok nok, Brambie, Soleil, Doudou, Couleurs, Merlin, Blah Blah, Pelicule just to name a few… 

Summer wind

thanks for the memories….

Take care folks…

Freedom taste funny

Hello…

Yeah yeah, so I’m late so sue me, I had a great reason: Automatic door!... finally got my door after all these years. I can now venture out there on my own… free at last, free at last freaking free at last! But what to do now?... It’s like where do I go from here? The wife said that maybe I should volunteer at the MS society or something; could work but then my blogs would be few and far apart… The Universe still has plans for me I guess… any hoot they had some problems and the wife is so so about it, something about witchcraft… you know them Mexicans…. But it’s done, no more excuses….

Freedom is out them doors..

Take care folks…

No more couponing for me

Hello!

Sooooo here’s the thing. A long time ago it was all about extreme couponing in this household, so crazy Chuck here decided to order some coupons and free trial versions of the product… It’s free, free is always good… I also checked the boxes that said “Free sample product information…”… Com’on! It’s free!! Free is always, ALWAYS, good… or so I thought… People to this day I am still getting the odd, and very frequent, email requesting that I apply for a free sanitary towel.. a Kotex! This time it was the new and improved “ U Kotex”….WTF am I going to do with this? Worst if I remember correctly the package comes under my name and everything! ,, I really have to find a way to stop these emails…

Take care folks…

Things remain the same...

Hello!

What a day!!... Busy busy busy! At least in my head, physically there is nothing happening; not even the weather. I mean, it’s no good but it’s not exactly bad either… it is kinda like fall…. I don’t like it, no sir I do not like it… It means that I will be sequestered for another 6 months; even if I will be able to go out. My place is up to speed with my life but my chair, even if it was design for Canada’s weather, is not winter friendly…. Can’t have everything in life I guess…

And now I’m getting the blues! It’s the fault of the summer camp people… them with their “I’m so friendly” attitude and their “I’m going to miss you…insert name here…” makes me miss them more every day. I became e-friends with some of them on FB but it’s not the same, I miss the whole experience… they did such a good job that I’m going back next year even though I know it won’t be the same; and yet I wish it was…. I told you I had learned something new this year: Live the moment for the moment....do not postpone things...

I’m just waiting for a package that was promise to me so that I can post an article with a shit load of pics…. In the meantime, I’m still alive….That’s good, I guess…

CP 2013... The where's Waldo edition 

Take care people… 

Can I have a sec here, please?

Hello!

Good week folks…

Well it’s going to be a slow week for this one, nothing important happening until the middle of the week; this is the day when my death star will become fully operational!... I am getting the door opener that day, I will be out the door 24/7; I’ll be unstoppable!.... Then my week goes downhill again until Saturday when I will be attending my niece’s bday buffet… she’s hitting the old 09… I remember when I was 9, no I don’t; I feel old and probably stink that way too.

Happy to repost that the workers are out and about again with machine noises all over the place, makes me feel a little bit nostalgic about the tranquility of summer camp… I missed it so much that I already reserved my place for next year…. Can’t wait for it again… any hoot back to my waiting game for my bath….

Take care people…

Don't touch my stuff...

Hello!

Happy Saturday!

So the mystery regarding the construction stoppage has been resolved, they needed a break, says the landlord… I, however, smell cover-up!... but there is no evidence what so ever so I’ll just go with the flow.

Magamex category 5

Hurricane Magamex hit the shores of my humble home today… She moved things left and right and back again, until it was satisfactory to her sick perverted mind. I get nervous when things like this happen because there is always that important thing that is missing afterwards…. Never fails, even if I was there while she was touching my stuff and even if she didn't throw anything out, I’m pretty sure that she lost some of my important papers… now I know how hoarders feel when someone is touching their stuff.. I guess her customers must be masochists since this is what she does for a living and apparently some of these people are starting to grumble about the luxurious car their cleaning lady is driving around and would like to have her job… Go ahead, clean 3 or 4 houses a day; I dare you…

Any hoot, hope you have a great weekend…