High school

Hello

I dedicate this post to all of those that attended high school with me and had a ball going through it except we didn't know then; Love you all.


So what type of student were you daddy?? I obviously lied my pants off. I want my kids to be better students than I was.


Secondary 1 and 2 I was ok, still nerdy, just skipped a lot of classes. This would be my trademark trough high school. But hold on Hold on Chuck, you never defied authority!? You were a happy go lucky type of guy not rocking the boat at all. Well there is a dark side of me that I can reveal now because I'm old and don't give a rat's ass who finds out about it. You saw one side of the medal, not the other one.



There was the time that we got a vice principal, Mr. Paquin, first days of classes my brother and I got pulled aside in the corridors to be chastise by him. He told us that the previous year we had missed more than half the school year and that he was going to keep an eye on us. We agreed with him that it was too much and that this was going to be the year when the Guzman brothers turned the page and were going to become exam plenary students. Ok, sure....Boy that is a bunch of baloney; I missed so many days that year. I think that was the year I got called into the principal's office where I was shown a 1 inch school book with all the excuses my dad had "done" for me. I was asked if all of the papers were real, I said yes et voilà end of story. Boy, thank God my dad's signature was so easy to copy.


Did you know that my dad and my aunt were killed in a car accident? My mother was in a coma because of that accident. This was an excuse I used after missing almost a month of school....A month!!! It was probably more. This is the story I gave to Madame Lesage (Principal) all she could say at the end of my sobbing story was that she believed everything I had told her but she would like to speak with my mother when she got better. I told my mother what was going on and she called Madame Lesage. My mother always had my back and provided the financial support that a very few had.

What about JC, he was born in NYC and was a mechanic! My answers during a test in religion course. I was nuts. Anyways, this allowed the religion teacher to meet my mother. I wouldn't like to be Madame Garneau. My mother gave me a play by play of what had gone on. I felt sorry for her. There was also the time that the French theater teacher wanted to see my mother because I missed a lot of his courses....boy did my mother let him have it. The principal had to ask me politely to go and finish his course and I did.
These are some of my highlights in high school and no wonder they didn't believe me when I told my old English teacher what I was doing with in my life, teaching computers at the YMCA, she laughed. The kid who had so many Gastroenteritis is doing what?? Right and Santa is coming early this year. Boy if they knew that at the end I was a head technician that survived 10 layoffs because he was good at what he did, they would probably wonder where did the system failed and allow such a loser to continue his dream.

So as an update with my life, I did good teachers. I am (was) a very productive member of society thanks to you all. I became a better student in college (CEGEP), went to university, got sick, got married, had kids, join Facebook where I met my old school buddies and now enjoy a forced retirement. But I will never forget high school and all the people that I met there, "long may you run"



Kind regards and love to all

Olympics III

Hello


It takes a big man to apologize; I'm a big man so here it goes. I'm sorry team Canada for having doubted you. Sorry to all the athletes for thinking that they were second best. To all the teams I cursed, to all those I've pray the almighty to send them to hell; sorry. I guess it's my MS that makes me cranky. Got to report that to the beeping neurologist, oops I did it again, sorry beeping neurologist. Canada 10 gold medals!! More gold medals than anybody else. You go TC! Very proud to be part of Canada.

I even picked up on curling, I saw the ladies going for gold last night and even if they were short, kudos to them. They got 1 more fan now, scratch that, 2 new fans. My wife was seeing the game too and sending bad vibes to the Swedish team. I'm looking forward to the men's game. The men's hockey team? Well that's another story; they survive last night game and almost certain that if they play like last night, the US will have a field day. Slovakia came back after losing 3-0 all night long. So I am disappointed in them. You have to keep in mind that I come from a time where heroes existed. Ken Dryden, Guy Lafleure, Mike Bossy and yes even Serge Savard; an excellent player but a lousy manager. These guys didn't get pay much but they played their hearts out. I don't think this is true in any sport now, what a shame.

OK today is March 1st and I have to swallow my words again. My apologies to the men's hockey team. YOU GUYS ROCK! I will now be a true fan of team Canada. MAPLE LEAF FOR EVER!

That having been said, congratulations Team Canada for a fantastic Olympics. See you soon!

Spring brake 2010

Hello


So we reached the point where we get a break. We go south to tan and frolic with the opposite sex, or do we??

If you're a parent with kids in school you will be thrilled that for a whole week you won't have to wake up to an alarm that starts your adrenaline rushing: go!!go go! You will be exited that breakfast will be eaten at a leisurely pace without any milk being spilled or juice coming out of one of your child's nostril because her sister made a joke and you as a parent can only say: go! !go go!. You gonna be late, hurry up! A whole week where you switch from light speed to turtle speed, where the word rushing by has no meaning and there are no worries to be had.

Advertising again!

My week will be spent doing home work with my little one. A research on tigers, whoopee freaking doodle! Didn't I finish school already?? I think I did, I'm pretty sure I got my diplomas somewhere. Plus, my oldest is turning into a little monster, she's hitting her teens in 1 year but she's acting like she's been there, done that. Let's not forget the accident that I didn't have but that I had to arrange everything so that the missus can get her baby repaired and make sure that she will still be mobile. I think they call this hell 101.

I deserve a medal for going beyond the call of duty. Nowhere did it say that I was going to deal with such crisis in my life! But it was I that wanted to get married, get a wife, kids, dog, fishes...back track there...there is no dog. I think that if I didn't exist this world would be a mess or close to it. Maybe somebody would have to invent me, create me so that I could be somebody's bitch for a while. It's not easy to be me as the song says. I tell my wife and daughters that one day I will take the wheelchair charger and hit the road, stopping at McDonald’s to charge my chair and get a coffee. "On the road again. Just can't wait to get on the road again...." I'm going to be the Littlest Hobo, will be going from town to town fixing shit then disappearing. Yes my life is a leaving hell....A Mexican wife, alien kids from Pluto, a couple of piranhas for fish, somebody save me!

Ok, I am exaggerating. Yes, my wife is Mexican, yes my kids seem alien once in a while, also my wife did crash the car and I had to set up the repair and leasing of a new car while the other one is ready; and I wouldn't stick my hand in the aquarium. The fishes are not piranhas but I am sure they would rip my finger if they had a chance. My life is "normal". Sure I have to take care of different things even if I'm sick but if I didn't do it I would feel useless and I think life has to continue no matter what. So for all of you guys that can walk and talk, enjoy every minute of your life; for those that have it harder like me, enjoy it too we all are here for a moment, make the best of it.

Almost there

Hello

I went out to the doctor today; my daughter had an appointment with the occupational therapist. It doesn't matter where she went what a matter is that I went out and you can smell spring! The temperature is warmer, the sun is staying up past 5PM and old man winter will soon be forgotten; and for me?? FREEDOM!!

It's like I'm a biker waiting for winter to split so that I can ride out side on my Harley. I will buy a leather jacket and wear a helmet to look cool. I will create a group called the Motorized Wheel Unit (MWU) Brossard chapter 123. Put on a bandanna get MOM tattooed on my arm and get a kick ass name such as Black Knight (BK). Make people fear me when I ride the streets. This is already happening my wife often is yelling: "Watch out". Too late whatever it was I ran over it. So I'm pretty sure people on my building block must talk bad about my driving. Maybe I'll get a sticker that reads “How am I driving? 800-382-5968".I bet I'll get rave reviews. Summer, spring and fall are the only periods we can go around outside, We can go out in winter, but you get that wind chill factor hitting your face....Brrrr. It can get cold

It's not like I am outside all the time, au contraire. My life is pretty scheduled around the local clinic (CLSC) and meals on wheel. I get 2 CLSC workers visit per week and 2 visits from meals on wheels. So if I need to go out I need to cancel one service to accommodate another service that was thrown my way. I have never seen so many doctor, nurses, nutritionist, occupational therapist, government sponsored hookers...ok the last one is not true in Canada, but in Denmark or the Netherlands...it's pravda! I think I could benefit from this and if ever I get caught in such situation...I am going to use this as a "Get out of jail" card :)

WHEELCHAIR

Hello

Today I'm bitching about redundancy......repeating yourself sucks!


So I had to call the bus people to setup a transport for tomorrow. Everything went well until the end: "Will use be using a cane, a walker or your chair?" What?? I've been using the special bus for a while now and you still asking how am I going to go?? Seriously, I could yell, spell it out or tattooed on my chest: I will be going on the wheelchair! Maybe one day I'll play a joke on them and tell them I can walk now...They will probably add that to their list, better not. Maybe this is what they are waiting for. I got nothing against them, but it's been 2 years on the chair and they still don't get it??

It's not only them. My neurologist seems to have jumped on the van wagon! Every 3 months, same shit different days.

-"Can you lift your right leg? Good. Your left leg?"
-"I cannot move my left leg"

Can we get a move on?

Hello

Saturday and I am watching a dog show. A FREAKING DOG SHOW!!!! There is nothing on TV. 3 channels showing Olympic actions from yesterday and today. I really have sink low when I actually bitching to a dog judge, telling her she's blind that the German Sheppard deserve a second look. Sp I guess it is me going senile and bitching to everyone for nothing: GET OFF MY PARKING SPOT oh? It’s you. Ok darling you can park in our spot.

Yesir, it is me not you. So wonder what dog is going to win? I need to seek help, I already started a program. I will watch my teams play without changing the channel. OK the winner is the Poolley (spelling) for the Herding group (???) Don't get me wrong, I love dogs, but I am seeing the show because the big magical box doesn't have anything to amuse me. Ok, so it has the tvshopping Chanel's and I have to stop myself from ordering the Magical blade III (I already have them). The Cash cab it's on now....YEAY!! Seriously, the people just won $1200 dollars!!

I need a life....a real one

Too much

Hello


Today I would like to tackle the men's hockey team and my views on hockey. I know I will cause a lot of grief and pain, but somebody has to do it :)

so I watched the game against Switzerland last night, boy were we lucky to win that shoot out. Aren't we supposed to have a dream team?? Pronger?? Iginla?? Crosby?? What happened?? It wasn't a game it was a miracle. I was pissing in my pants, moaning/swearing every second of the game. "We're supposed to have the mother of all teams!!!" What is going on?? Did we misread the other team?? Impossible even the commentators agreed with me, we're supposed to win this game 5-1! Easy peasy.

So what was happening?? Advertising! We are being told that team Canada (in general) is the best and that we will have gold medals coming out our wazoo! When this doesn't happen we question our team, I know I do. Is like we are overestimating TC and underestimating the other side. So we are baffle by the results. This Olympics I was shocked when several of potential gold medals didn't happen. I was pissed off when C. Hamelin didn't make it to the finals. "What a cocky bastard, he should learn how to skate". I also bitched and ranted about Jenn Heil: "What the beep happened?? I didn't lose gold, I won silver crap!" And one after the other I let them have it.

Team Canada's hockey team wasn't a disgrace....we won for crying out loud!?! Silver is silver for God sake. Why am I such a sour puss?? I expected the man's team to be like the women hockey team, beating others with their spectacular exploits, but the men's team still in the race for gold, right?

I remember a time would I would follow a team without criticising them. It was "we'll get them next year/Olympics/world cup" now I bitched, I get irritated. It's probably just age, maybe I need more fibre, crap I must be going senile...I think what I said before is true, advertising is trying to promote a team Canada that is good, but not that good. I think they are trying to mustard patriotism but it doesn't work for me. I don't like when they lie to me and this is what the advertising machine does, they are selling me super heroes instead of humans.

Oh well, will get them next Olympics!

Vncvr 2010

Hello


Today Tuesday 16 February I was seeing an exciting game of curlizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Sorry about that is just that certain "sports" in the summer and winter Olympics put me to sleep. Why is curling a sport?? I agree that they have great accuracy but my mother could probably do a good job at this "sport".

Give me skiing, give me hockey, give me skating. These sports require human strength, precision, dexterity. But curlinzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz, there I go again, might as well start a marble event; I know I could kick ass even in a wheelchair. I saw the Bilodeau, Heil, women/men hockey teams, now these are athletes. I'm sure that there are others, but these are the ones that stayed in my head. I know, I know, I couldn't curl if my life depended on it. Well they couldn't do many things I do such as, and also, not to mentioned, OK so they probably can.

I was debating this blog all night last night after team Canada won and came to the conclusion that these people are athletes playing a very boring sport. All the sports that attract our attention have a danger factor attached to them. Skiing, I see it because maybe the person will fall, hockey well perhaps there will be a fight. Skating, when the guy throws the girl up in the sky she might fall on her ass and lose points. Snowboard....well you get my meaning.

So if they were to modify curling in a way were there would be scuffles, penalties or anything that would make this sport more like a WWF were you would have blood, sneak attacks or cool names, then I would be glued to the TV. Or the biathlon, have the guy ski, push over his opponents, shoot pigeons or any other wild life that would be disturbing him/her: "John I think his aiming at that flock of seagulls, this could be bad" Then this would become a much more interesting sport.

So next time there's a curling game on, I will paint my face red, drink a Molson and scream my lungs out for Canada and if a fight brakes out well, bonus points!


Go Canada go!

A different weekend

Hello





This weekend started like all the others but it was going to be a different one due to different events that were going to spice up my otherwise boring stay on this planet.



Well we finally got that breakfast off the ground to celebrate the Aquarius crew. Yeah all families were represented, kinda like an Olympic ceremony: "And now entering the restaurant, the Guzmans from Kirkland"...and so on. We were treated to a small recital by my sister in law's quartet..nice. Then my youngest nephews were running amok. All was going great and soon we had to part. Once we left it happened....



My cell goes off it's my wife that was still in the parking: "Look behind you, I had an accident." OK, so what do I have to do, I asked myself. OK, go and see what is going on. I drove my chair back and as I'm getting closer she tells me is her fault. Don't say that I tell her, you don't know if the guy was drunk or medicated. He wasn't, it was her fault, the guy never saw her coming. So what were the damages?? The guy had a broken tail light and the less than 1 year old Mazda 3 2010...front was smashed...well it was worst than the Kia 2009. So today I have to work with Allstate to fix the car.

OK, I'm all set, car will be fix next week. It has been less than 1 year I bought the toy for the wife and she already recked it. Women, they don't know how to drive and when they do is like taxi drivers...

I have to blog about the Olympics but I am real tire...

EXP FEB 2019

Hello, hope all is well for you.


According to the brief conversation that I had with my bitter half-I meant better-by 2019 if she can no longer take care of me I will be placed in a care giving home. As much as this hurts me, it is my reality; this is what I am facing.

So why did it bother me this morning? Well I woke up reflecting on my MS crap and how my wife and I are no longer lovers/friends but rather helper/helped. She takes good care of me most of the time, but the intimacy that once was there does no longer exist; wonder if it ever did. I got lots of time so I've got lots of questions.

Me being placed in a home is an imminent step in my MS road to perdition-is what I've been told by health workers that come to visit me and my wife customers that have MS cases in their families also tell her this. I feel angry at life because of the potential destiny card I have been given. I am very quiet these days reflecting on what the future holds for my family and me. I think I should have chosen to stay single when I found out I had MS. Not only MS affects me but also my family and the relationship I have with them.

I think the reason for my rabid thoughts against life is base on the life of other. No, I am not jealous, but I am angry on how in general a human life consists of 3 stages and mine doesn’t. There is thrust, Apex and the descent. Humans push to get to their top and after admiring the view they glide back to the start. The problem is this for me, I pushed knowing full well that my apex was going to be small compare to others that I knew. This makes me angry and resentful against life. I could have given more, push more but I felt short and not because of me. It wasn’t my decision to be where I am today; all I can do is see people with dreams fly past me.



So don't take it personal when I bitch about my life.

It's no you it's me.

I was abducted by aliens

Hello


Yeay me!! I made it..Another year without the machine breaking more!


So today I am going to talk about a potential alien abduction and how my mother and wife seem to be involved on the plot.


I don't see much TV few shows grab my attention. The Bachelor and American Idol are some of them. I think this is the way that they aliens have succeeded into abducting me. I don't know what they have programmed my noodle to do but I will alert the proper authorities about this, hoping that they aren't part of the plan.


So first there was The Bachelor and the pregnant lady. About 2 weeks ago there was a scene where The Bachelor kicked a person out because she was having an affair with a staffer from the show, it was cool, finally some real drama. Then in another show it was said he was going to kick another woman out because she was pregnant. NO WAY! 2 in a row...yeah baby! I like this. I never saw it and according to my wife it never happened. Musta been a mistake. Ok forget about it...move on.

The following week on American Idol, someone gets kicked out in hand cuffs...alright. The following week Simon gets a glass of ice all over his face...NAH?? For real??? This is great! Again, a no show. My wife concurred the absentee of the ice scene. 2!! 2 in a row. Even if the following incidents troubled me, they are brushed aside. They will probably be on TV later on.

But then to tie all these things into one gigantic conspiracy, I lose a complete year!! What gives???

I was left to believe that I was living my 42nd bday all last year by my wife and my MOTHER!!! My mom, the woman that gave me life! So this year my wife said I was going to be 43 I didn't care...yeah 43 getting old. My mother confirmed it with a "Happy 43 bday son" Ok mom thanks. Wow...I will be 44 next year, sucks! But then I overheard my brother tell his wife that I was 42 because I tried to them I was 43 but too late, next thing I know I'm taking out the calculator and I'm double, nay triple checking my numbers:42!! I'm turning 42!! I lost a year!!! Why?? I called my wife an informed her of her error and how she had made me lose a year. When I got a chance to speak with my mother, I told her the same and she still claimed that I was in the wrong and I was turning 43...I made her realized with mathematical calculations that I was 42.....She just laughed and said it was a mistake.

Why?? Why were scenes from The Bachelor and American Idol omitted?? Why was I let to believe that I was turning 43 when in fact I am turning 42? There must be a reason why?? I think my wife and mother are leaders of an alien sect that wants to rule the world. It is the only explanation I have. But why me??

Why would my wife, my mother, The Bachelor and American Idol be conspiring against me?? Could it be because I was a Mason and we possessed secrets that only we know, like Roswell and Atlantis? Or maybe because I am also a member of the knights who say Ni?? I'll never know. But be informed that I am 42 today not 43 and I will be more fearful from now on...I will trust no one any longer.

Perhaps I wasn’t abducted but I feel there are too many coincidences to ignore a potential kidnapping by aliens where my wife and mother participated, sure hope the girls are human like their dad.

Mimon

Jana

It's over

Hello

2060!! 2060??


Fuck 2012, according to Isaac freaking Newton 2060 is the end of the world. Apparently he cracked the code in the bible that got him to write some documents where it says that 2060 is it!

How did he come to this number?? Here the explanation:
There is a passage in the bible were it says "...Time, times and half a time". So our hero determines the following:
Time=360 days
Times=720 days
1/2 time= 180 days
Out of the blue he changed days for years so the sum equals 1260; to this number you add 800, the year when Charlemagne was made king by the pope, and the number you get is 2060!!
Now, like the bible, he (Isaac) believed that the temple of Solomon will be rebuilt at the end of times. Hello! This is going to cause the end of the time. Everyone knows that the Dome of the rock is there. What do you think the Muslims would do?? To those that don't know, the Dome of the rock is a very important symbol to the Muslim faith, destroying it would surely cause a war. And what about the rapture?? You know, the idea that all good Christians will disappear to go and live with JC. It's a pretty big thing in the USA; so what's going to happen with that?? Seems there's a whole bunch of theories on how this world will end. I think that I will work on a theory about the end of the world and blog about it: green eggplant effect! Yeah, the theory on how giant green eggplants will rise and destroyed humans.

So 2012, 2060, the rapture, aliens or the green eggplant effect?

T-3

Hello



We are getting close to my bday! Birthdays lose their appeal as you get old, at least for me. I will be turning 43 this year, 43! I feel so old...I am old..middle age. So does that mean I will get to live until I'm 86?? I dunno, life takes some interesting turns. I've been telling my wife that I will probably died when I'm 109....I hope not I wouldn't like to see my kids die before me.



Got nothing mayor planned, this Sunday I will host my wife's family for a small dinner and next week we will do the breakfast thing with my brothers families. As for presents, it will be strictly cash...it always help. I know, I know, not very creative right?? Well ever since I'm on long term disability insurance, money is a bit tight, so it will be a relief package.



Other then that, I've been playing lots of games on line. It's winter and cocooning is what I do best. Next year I am thinking of going to university or join a MS group. It depends if my body can take it, I get real tire for no reason.



So, it's a short blog today. Just wanted to keep you updated with my life and all.

Bummer

Hello

Well today I'm gonna touch the subject of MS.....I know I know, AGAIN?? Yeah well during winter I'm cocooned and all these tragedies with people that got MS come knocking at my door. I promise that when summer comes I will write about the bird and the bees.

Keep in mind that I don't partake in their thoughts about MS being a devastating illness. I am sorry that they got MS and yes your life does a 180 turn, but I think you have to be positive in life and enjoy it as much as you can.

This morning my lovely wife was telling me about a customer's mom that has MS an is at a nursing home because she can't talk, move, feed herself. That sucks, right?? Yes, yes it does and I wouldn't like to be there. I start asking questions about this lady; it seems that she's been there for a while because the husband couldn't deal with the physical aspect of the illness. I agree MS requires a lot of help from others.

Then it hit me, can she blink her eyes??? I told my wife the story of the guy who had an accident and became a veggie...The guy wrote a book by blinking his freaking eyes!!! There is always someone worst off than you and manages to get ahead. I was informed that this lady couldn't remain focus therefore she couldn't converse with her eyes either. I didn't know what else to tell my wife; I don't know how worry she gets by seeing a mirror.

I know that ever since I've been like this, it has always been: What level are you at?? I dunno, the one where you can't freaking walk or move?????? Apparently there are different levels of MS; you get worst and worst and worst. I have talked it over with my wife and have come to the conclusion that when she can no longer take care of me, I would quietly and gracefully go to a nursing home. I think I got like 60 years to go, will probably bury her. I don't know I am really positive about this even if I am not a very active MS person. I like staying at home, writing, listening to music, thinking, playing...doing f_all and I'm happy! My wife MS people seem to be doom and gloom and I personally know 2 cases where the people are living very "active" life with MS.

So where am I going to fit???

I don't know, but I was dragged out of a good game of Yutopia to write this, bummer...

Suicide

Chill, nobody is dying here, nobody is depressed. I just wanted to capture your attention here and blog about this subject and what I have seen throughout my stay on this planet. So no humans will be hurt during this exercise. Having said that:

Hello


So today I will touch the sombre subject of suicide. There are many reasons out there why people contemplate, try or succeed at taking their life away. Mental disorders are at the forefront of this phenomenon -depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, alcoholism and drugs-There is also financial issues and other situations: religion, honour, the meaning of life (Really????).

I fully understand people who have mental disorders, we must look out for them; try to help them if you can. But I really don't get other reasons why you would try to beat life at its own game. I have seen some incidents were the person has succeeded in taking their life away and it is very sad.


High school

When I was in secondary 1 or 2, there was a kid that was fun to hang around with. Suddenly he stopped going to school. At the beginning there were the usual questions: what happened, where is he, when is he coming back. I never got answers to these questions so I forgot about him. A few weeks later he reappeared. He wasn't the same, he was quiet and he didn't say much. Then I heard the rumours that his family had gone through the suicide of one of the kids. It hit me, especially that it was a kid, don't know how old he was but at that age I didn't think that you could be so in the dark. I heard that they found a black board were it was written:

Life is a game and I am tired of playing.

Wow, if this is true or not my hearth when out to this kid and the whole situation was traumatizing to me. It's been 20+ years and I still remember it. This was my first encounter with suicide.

So this episode was brushed aside and I went onto college were there was another situation that I went through but this time I knew a bit more of the facts that brought this person to the brink of annihilation.



College

I was going through life doing the college thing when I was interrupted by destiny again. It appeared that one of my friends had tried to commit suicide. After many discussions it was concluded that this person lived in a very "strict" environment. I am happy to say that this person was not successful and now lives a very normal and happy life. I don't say much here, I don't know if this person wants privacy or not.

Happy ending?? Not quite.


Mini-me

After many, many years, I got to know this kid that worked with me. He was fun, we joked around and I even gave him a nickname that stuck with him throughout his working career: mini-me. He was a blast. During work time related crunches I use joke and tell him that if he was to climb up a bridge I was such a good friend I would push him. It was all fun and laughs. One day that I stayed home I got a call were they informed me that mini-me had taken his life. I was dumbfounded. This was an only child, the mother was devastated I went to the funeral and went to a psychologist to try and come to terms with his death. After a while I found out that he had killed himself over a girl. Apparently the parents of the girl did not approve of the relationship.

I don't believe that you should kill yourself over another person or a situation. I believe life to be like a checker board that can go from black to white in a second (very masonic, no?). Maybe I haven't lived what they have gone through, maybe I don't get it. Why would you kill yourself knowing full well that you are going to kick the bucket anyways? I am not suicidal, I don't think I can lift a gun now; the gun would probably fall of my hands, discharge itself and I would probably be accused of 1st degree or something.

This is what I have seen so far and every time I remember the persons that passed away, I am sadden because not only did they cut short their stay here but they left it in shambles; the places and faces that were part of their lives.

My thoughts on suicide? I say be patient and try to see life as a long journey where you don't know what could happen. And if you still feel like killing yourself, take the old fashion way out: live life (you're gonna die anyways).