Freaky, no?

Hello!



How are my favorite imaginary friends? I call you this because before the Internet that's what you were. Think about it, before proving your existence you were nothing but in my head. Then came the Internet age and poof your existence was proven. Now we could interchange messages, you could leave comments, you could probably even sent me a personalized message something that before you couldn't do. Therefore you exists! Freaky, no?

But enough about proving your existence. Last week Mr. smarty-pants here decided to submit a theory to one of the most brilliant minds in the universe: Stephen Hawkins. Yeah, Mr. I have a shit load of time in his hands decided that he had such a brilliant theory that Mr. Hawkins was going to drop everything and work on it right away. Not so fast Mr. looser wannabes! Tell me your theory first and then I'll tell you if I have enough time on my hands.

Okay Mr. Hawkins, it has to do with dark matter. Scientists out there don't know where this thing comes from, they just know it exists. I figured that out! Me with time on his hands and with a post-doctorate degree in imaginary science have figured it out. Yes, yes, I already see my picture on books, newspaper; hear my name on television shows, radio shows.

- "Cripple guy in a wheelchair discovers origins of dark matter"

I am going to change my name to Prof. Guzman. I am going to endorse the bullet express and get millions of dollars. Wow! I didn't know it was easy. I'm sure Mr. Hawkins is going to flip, why couldn't he figure this out? Although he too is in a wheelchair, he is lacking one factor that stopped him from discovering such an amazing theory: Time on his hands!

The guy is left and right, up and down, all over around. While yours truly has nothing better than to blog, research his family tree, watch TV and occasionally have naps. So I'm much more advanced than he is and therefore working on new theories is my domain. Mind you, they still have to be confirmed by people like Stephen Hawkins. People who have nothing better to do than to prove me wrong.

So my theory was sent to Stephen Hawkins to which his assistants promptly replied with a "get a life loser" type of e-mail. Obviously it was much more refined but nevertheless it had the same effect. I'd like you to know that if ever you hear something regarding dark matter from Stephen Hawkins it was probably my theory.

My theory is that everybody, everything that is alive carries some sort of energy in them and when we passed away or get destroyed the energy is released back into the universe. I know, I know, it's very Avatarish of my part and granted the theory derives from it. But it makes sense, everything leaving is energy. When I first got sick they did a shit load of exams on me and one of them was sticking 2 electrodes in my body to electronically stimulate my muscles. Holy frijoles! Every time they pushed a button I would get an electric shock that would make my hand move. I'm freaking energy!

We're freaking electric motorized thingamajigs! So what happens to us when we die? I tell you what happened to us, to fluffy, to stinky, to a red rose to everything that has energy, to everything that's alive: we become dark matter!

This is my theory. I no longer believe in the afterlife but rather that I will become dark matter when my body can no longer breathe. Freaky, no?

I know you guys will be saying that I probably smoked pot or something but the truth is that what I say makes perfect sense, at least to me. You guys are only imaginary.


Have a nice existentialist day imaginary friends!


Prof. Guzman