Ok...

GM....

It is morning and I got my home all to myself, again. I'll start by blogging before I get too tired to type something.


So this morning is a quick one: On the chair before every one is gone...These are the mornings I don't like, I feel am missing something. Yet I had breakfast, I am dressed, got my lunch: everything is ok...NOT! Here's the thing:

Mornings like this one seem to be impersonal. They dressed me up because it had to be done, put me in my chair there was no other choice, got food to quite my growling belly. I am exaggerating but I feel it could be better...

When I analyze my life,I got it good...So what if I have to wait for a couple of extra seconds....

I saw the news from Mexico this morning and I am in heaven:

Yes I have to "suffer" with MS but if I was in Mexico or any other Latin American country or the US for that matter I better have cash.

I got a motorized chair, a machine that lift me from my bed to my chair, got 2 weekly sponge bath, meals on wheels is at my place twice a week, got a team of specialized people at my finger tips and I get enough financial backing to keep the title "the man of the house"....

All of these things make my life eassier and I get them free! There is a God looking out for me.

I think the problem here I really don't like help. I used to work and help out as much as I could. Now I am the one getting help, wanted or not. From my wife to my little brother. To complete strangers on the street that will help me out without me asking. I'm supposed to be helping out here and I am not. I am not doing my share and my relationships with everyone have changed

-With my brothers, they over protect me as before I was a protector. If I am going out they make sure I wear a hat or dress accordingly.

-My mother is hiding anything from me that she thinks may affect me negatively.

-With my wife I know the relationship that once existed of husband and wife has stopped. I know somewhere deep inside of her she loves me but differently. She has "volunteered" to do everything I used to do on my own. You know the part where the priest says "in sickness or in health" well she got the short end of the stick on that one. She dresses me, feeds me, tends to my littlest desire: get me this, get me that, I`m hungry, I'm cold, I'm hot, pipi pupu caca! It is more of a helper/helped relationship. I don't know how long she could take it; I don't know how long I could last....

Is not always bad, but I sure miss sleeping with someone, to touch, to caress, to talk, to wake up with, share a laughter or a thought...To be with someone...this would make my life Ok...