second-class citizen

Hello!

Yesterday I went to the CMR to check out the new RT 64. Plus how my cell phone is coming to be included install on my chair also. I'm starting to look like Robocop, all mechanize everything. They are also looking into ways of making the computer more accessible to me. They will be coming over in two weeks to discuss my desk and other stuff.

I also have to point visit their other department because I'm having problems with my chair. Not really my chair, but rather me. I'm getting worst every and they have to make adjustments to it to make it easier for me to drive it. I found out today when I went to the shopping mall with my daughters.

The shopping mall is stone thrown away and before I was able to go and come back at my will. But today, I had extreme problems trying to make my chair go frontward my hand was too tired. It's days like today where you realize that you are really sick and that life really sucks. I know I know I should be thankful for being alive right? It's true but it doesn't change that it is you that has to adapt to the situation: adapt your chair, adapt your bed, adapt your transportation...

I can't recall when it was the last time I was able to sit on my own car and drive with my daughters and my wife somewhere, when I wanted. Or the last time I slept in the same bed as my wife. When was the last time I ate on my own and did have to be afraid of choking.

Now I have to rely on the time that people have on their hands that they can spare. I understand that everybody has a life to do in this world and I am not complaining about them. But rather about me that has become a burden on them, I feel I'm stealing time away from them, Their family. Time to feed Carlos, time to get Carlos up, time to schedule the bus for Carlos, time to put Carlos to bed... It is frustrating.

I once didn't understand why people diagnosed with MS would take their life or ask someone to do it for them. As I dig deeper into my illness I began to understand them more. I don't think I will suicide I got too much to live for, but it is really hard and depressing having to live a life that no longer belongs to you.

I have become a second-class citizen.